Dear Sir or Madam,
Sometimes I do the dishes in my dreams. But not only my dishes. I also sneak into all my neighbours’ kitchens. I don’t even wonder why. I just do it. But as a matter of a fact, I hate doing the dishes. I either burn or freeze my hands because the water never seems to be at the right temperature. The sink is too low for my back. And the citrus smell of the washing up liquid makes me sick.
Much to my surprise, I really enjoy washing dishes in my dreams. They say they’ve even heard me hum cheerful melodies sometimes. Nothing seems to worry me. I’m suddenly immersed in a permanent carpe diem: just me, my dishes and I. Enjoying the warmth of the water, the lovely smell of the washing up liquid and effortlessly removing dirt and grease. But then my alarm abruptly wakes me up and I rush to the kitchen to check… And yes, ladies and gentlemen, my dishes are still dirty. A bit dirtier than the day before.
To be honest, sometimes I think of doing the dishes. But as I approach the sink I feel a tight knot in my stomach and I need to run away. Once I accumulated so many dirty plates that I had to use my dog’s bowl. I can’t remember the last time I used cutlery: eating with your hands definitely helps enhance your brain performance.
I would love to be able to wash my dishes in the washing machine. People who can’t fit a dishwasher in their matchbox kitchen deserve a solution. We’re in the 21st century after all, right? Our printers can print, scan and photocopy, but washing machines can’t wash both clothes and dishes. What a shame. I know, I know. You must be thinking now that I’m hopelessly lazy. I get your point, but you know I work hard in my dreams. If that counts. I think it does. But for some reason, I’m not able to wash dishes in real life. Call it laziness but I start to suspect I suffer from a serious phobia. That’s why I ask you, please, if you would consider manufacturing a washing-machine-dishwasher. I have some ideas in mind, so please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours faithfully,
Me, my dishes and I