Clumsy Bones

I have always been clumsy.

Bumping into walls? Check. Tripping over my shoelaces? Check. Burning my leg by spilling boiling water on it and ending up in the hospital? Unfortunately, check.

Sometimes I feel like objects should have a sensor and if I come too close, quickly take a step back. Or beep. Cars can do that. Why tables can’t? It seems unfair.

Lots of bruises have always decorated my legs. They come in all sorts of sizes and shades of blue. It’s like body paint, but free!

A few days ago, a thought stroke my mind: “Am I clumsy or just mindless?”. Hmmm. Food for thought here. My head is sometimes floating in the clouds, lost in some remote universe. Is that why I don’t see the wall that’s right in front of me? Or should I get an eye test?

I can’t help but also wonder: can someone be mindful and clumsy at the same time? Or being mindful automatically regulates your clumsiness levels? What about someone who is mindless but not clumsy? Is that a thing?

I’m just pondering something here… Is being clumsy a consequence of lack of coordination or simply briefly getting distracted from the present moment? Maybe I just have butterfingers! And clumsy bones! (Well, maybe more like clumsy joints or muscles)

Let the facts speak for themselves

According to Macmillan Dictionary, this is the definiton of clumsy:

a clumsy person moves in a way that is not careful or graceful, and breaks things or knocks against them

Ouch. Graceful! Interesting. Ballet is all about harmony and graceful movement. I started attending ballet lessons two years ago. If I keep practicing, will it cure my clumsiness once and for all? Are there any positions that I should focus on? (If you have insider information, please contact me) I’ve just pictured myself walking in the street and stopping to do some pliés every once in a while. Not sure if this is the solution…

I decided to do a little research. This is what I found…

Hispaniolan Solenodon by Frank Wouters

Let me introduce you to the solenodon. This cute(ish) little fella has an insanely long nose and tiny eyes. It’s also able to survive in really horrible conditions. However, its saliva is venomous (no one is perfect, I guess). Turns out solenodons have received some nasty accusations of being slow and clumsy just because they walk in a zig-zag. Maybe they’re just trying to be graceful in their own way, like I am! (If you’re intrigued about these creatures, find more info here)

I was about to write the conclusion of this post, but then I jabbed my toe and lost the plot. Please accept my apologies. I’ll be more careful next time.

Mind-blowing moments of 2019

  • Washine-machine safe tissues (Read again. Yes. Funny spelling mistakes)
  • Realising that I’ve been pronouncing the word ‘sandwich’ wrong all my life (and feeling comforted by knowing that it’s a common mistake amongst Spanish and Italian speakers)
  • Realising that ‘tanga’ means the same in Catalan and Hungarian
  • Period-proof panties
  • Some buses in Edinburgh finally have separate doors for getting on and off (Respect for the people who shout ‘THANK YOU” to the driver while exiting through the middle door).
  • Tallest man on earth might not be the tallest, but his guitar skills are highly remarkable
  • A webster is not someone with a high level of computer literacy but someone who weaves cloth

Guess What, I’m an Alien! (Chapter 1)

28th of May, 2019

Today, at 9.07 am the doctor told me I was an alien. An alien? What was that supposed to mean? “You might have noticed you have 3 eyes”. Well, of course. There have always been there. What was the problem with that? “Well, you see… normal people usually have only 2”. Normal people? Usually? Too much for today. I’ll go to sleep and pretend all this never happened.

1st of June, 2019

I can’t read the numbers on the whiteboard but apparently, no one cares. This morning, the optometrist told me that unfortunately, they don’t provide glasses for 3 eyes. “There has never been a need to manufacture 3-eyed glasses in the current market” – he remarked. My migraine is killing me so I wasn’t ready to give up yet: “Is there any alternative? Contact lenses maybe?” He had to check with his manager.

After 2 minutes and 66 seconds, he came over and awkwardly stared at me. He obviously didn’t know where to look, but he was trying to act professionally. He smiled nervously. I jumped to the rescue: “Just choose one eye. It doesn’t really matter which one. But please. Could you provide me with contact lenses? I really struggle to read the signs when I drive”. Oh boy, you should have seen that. His chin dramatically dropped. He started mumbling, trying to find the right words. I interrupted: “What about laser surgery?” Apparently they’ve never performed this procedure to people like me. But hey, how different would that be? They’re just eyes. Why was everyone so scared of them?

Ready for the next chapter? 😉